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ed-approved profanity
Wanted to see if I could get Ed swearing approximately right in my current fic, so: here, organized by word, a list of everything profane Ed says in canon. Formatted like:
Research methodology: skimming episode transcripts looking for Ed's lines, reading the line, deciding if it's (a) decently accurate transcription and (b) vulgar. May have missed some — I know I found a couple more when I was looking at transcripts for other reasons yesterday. If you see any I missed or want to talk about the bonkers variety of antique + modern English OFMD uses generally I would be DELIGHTED to chat about it.
Surprising absolutely no one, "fuck" came out way on top.
literal anatomical reference
106 - Izzy - "I can't feel my balls"
108 - Jack - "Jack! Whip my balls!"
109 - Chauncey - "Yep. I killed the bastard. Enjoyed it, too."
dangerous sarcasm
106 - Izzy - "left me hanging up there for 20 minutes. not bloody optimal."
as indicator of depth/realness
104 - Stede - "oh... that's some damn good marmalade."
unpleasant person
106 - crew - "that poor wretch? that was my dad. the good news is, my dad was a dick."
107 - Stede - "you'd save me a seat wouldn't you?" Ed: "maybe. if you weren't being a dick."
108 - Jack - "Oh, fucking Hornigold! There's a fucking blast from the past. Such a dick! Such a fucking dick!"
108 - Jack - [Jack pelts him with coconut] "ow! fucking dick!"
fucking as intensifer of frustration
104 - Izzy - "just put some fucking imagination into it, man"
104 - Izzy - "we always need a fucking plan, all right? and then what? then we fucking execute the plan... it's all so fucking BORING! ... I shouldn't be bored. I'm fucking Blackbeard."
104 - Stede - "it's just fucking hard sometimes, you know?"
104 - Stede - "no chaos, no drama, no fucking life!"
105 - Stede - "I learn all of this just to fucking eat?"
105 - enemy captain - "a fucking donkey?" (shouts) "a fucking donkey?"
105 - enemy captain - "you know fucking nothing about me, mate! I've got more riches than you can shake a fucking stick at!"
105 - aristos - "Stede was right! you're all fucking fickle!"
105 - Stede, Frenchie - "um, I used escargot tongs and a melon spoon to eat a fucking prawn!"
106 - Izzy - "stop, unbuckle the fucking... no, you're tightening it!"
107 - Lucius - "at least you got lunch, I'm fucking starving"
107 - nature - "fucking, fucking nature! [...] fucking... little... mother... fucking... snake!"
108 - Jack - [after ball whipping] "fucking hell, Jack!"
freaking, as above
107 - Stede - "I'm freaking Blackbeard, man. I can't be seen treasure hunting."
motherfucking, as above
107 - nature - "fucking... little... mother... fucking... snake!"
fucking as intensifier of admiration
104 - Izzy - (looking at trinkets) "this guy's fucking fascinating"
104 - Stede - "you know, just for fun." ed "fucking mental!"
104 - Stede - "you're a fucking lunatic, and I like it"
105 - Stede - "cutting remarks disguised as politeness." Ed: "that's fucking diabolical."
108 - Jack - Jack: "who's the big gal?" [both laugh] Ed: "would you fucking stop!"
108 - Jack - [Jack pelts him with coconut] "ow! fucking dick!"
fucking indicator of manic glee
104 - Stede - [lighthouse works] "yes! we fucking did it!"
108 - Jack - (yelling) "fucking bullseye! bullseye, bullseye!"
108 - Stede (+Jack) - "he's joking, he's fucking joking. you're not a girl."
108 - Jack (+Stede) - Stede: only two place settings... Jack: that's great. Ed: "[agreement] fucking..."
108 - Jack - "Oh, fucking Hornigold! There's a fucking blast from the past. Such a dick! Such a fucking dick!"
108 - Swede (+Jack+crew) - [Jack gets him, first round of whippies] "that's what you fucking get!"
108 - Stede - "ah fuck, i don't know. [...] we're keeping it open-ended. you can't put a fucking time limit on fun, mate!"
108 - Jack+crew - "loser gets his head cut off, and the winner... gets his fucking head cut off!"
108 - Oluwande (+crew) - [encouraging to whip the cup] "Get out of your head, bro. Just do it. Easy-peasy, pudding and fucking pie."
109 - Stede - [Stede agrees to china] "mmhmm." Ed: "fucking... this is great. okay, we leave at dawn."
fucking as signifier of serious threat
105 - enemy captain - "next one goes through your fucking eyeball! now where's the loot? where's the fucking loot?"
106 - crew - "flinging him around before wringing him out like a fucking bar rag"
106 - self - "you're a killer bro. you're a fucking killer. so kill!"
107 - Lucius - "don't. or i will stab you in your fucking face."
110 - Izzy - "Stop crying, it's just the pinky. Come on, open up. Open your fucking mouth now!"
fuck off as astonishment
104 - Stede - "can you keep a secret? [wardrobe opens]" ed "fuck offfff."
fuck off as "go away"
107 - Augustine man - "fuck off! get out of here! move!"
107 - nature - "fuck off, flies!"
107 - nature - [second swarm of flies] "fuck off!"
107 - nature - [snake drops from tree] "oh, fuck off!"
[what] the fuck commenting on novel situation
104 - Stede - "retirement?" ed "the fuck is that?"
105 - Stede - [aristos burning down room] "Fuck is going on in here?"
106 - Izzy - "What the fuck you doing with your head between my legs?"
106 - Izzy - "20 minutes, not bloody optimal. What the fuck's all this?"
the fuck/as fuck, emphasizing degree
105 - Stede - (about the invitation) "Yeah, but I mean, fuck I care, whatever."
105 - Frenchie - "I like the name Jeff, and accounting sounds fancy as fuck."
105 - random aristo - [fleeing dining room ] "Get the fuck out of my way."
107 - Augustine man - "Hey, Blackbeard!" [...] Ed "Shut the fuck up okay? I'm not Blackbeard."
107 - Stede - "I'll be hiding over there [...] whenever you decide wherever the fuck it is we're going."
108 - Stede - "How long is he staying?" Ed: "Ah, fuck, I don't know."
fuck X, X is awful and over
107 - Stede - "Fuck this, I'm going back to the ship"
107 - nature - [snake has just fallen out of tree] "Fuck you!"
107 - nature - [beating snake on ground] "Fuck you! die!"
108 - Jack - (breaking oar) "Fuck you, Jack! He's my friend!"
fuck as exclamation of surprise
104 - Stede - "... Fuck, look it. There's two chandeliers!"
104 - Izzy (+crew+Stede) - "It's September 1" "Dickfuck, no it's not"
108 - Jack - Ed: "when?" Jack: "I can't remember exactly when..." Ed: (sees ships) "Fuuuuck."
fuckery as technical term
106 - Stede (+Izzy) - "An illusion! brilliant!" Ed: "Exactly. or as I like to call it, the art of fuckery"
106 - Stede (+Izzy) - "A good fuckery takes ages to develop"
106 - Pete (+crew) - "what'd you think?" Ed: "Wonderful fuckery. Scared the pants off me"
extreme dismay
104 - Stede - [shows him Blackbeard book] "Oh god. Is that what they think I look like?"
107 - Lucius - (about Stede) "God, he'll probably be moping all the way back to the ship."
proper lordly entity (often himself)
104 - Izzy - "Lots of blubbering for their god."
105 - aristos - "There I was, living as a sort of god-king among the cannibals..."
106 - Stede (+crew) - "But be careful what you ask your god for... she just might answer"
X as hell absent-minded intensifier
104 - Stede - "Most of the pirates I know, they're dead. so you're doing a hell of a lot better than them."
106 - Stede - (tepidly) "Yeah man, it's... scary as hell"
what the hell commenting on novel situation
105 - Stede - [aristos burning room down] "What the hell did you do to them?"
hell exclamation of extreme dismay
108 - Jack - [after ball whipping] "Fucking hell, Jack!"
pissed as self-depricating description of drunkenness
104 - Stede (+crew+Izzy) - "Captain goes down with the ship. I'm gonna get pissed."
shit as slang for stuff
104 - Izzy - "This place is amazing. Izzy, look, look at this shit"
106 - Stede - "Stede, be careful. He [Izzy] does know his shit."
107 - Stede - [? could also be literal] "Just end up finding a rock, or a dried-up piece of shit."
literal feces
108 - crew (+Jack) - "He [Jack]'d shat everywhere but the bedpan!"
astonishment
106 - Stede - [Lucius cuts off finger] "Shit, that was incredible, how'd you do that?"
107 - Stede - "Hey, shit, did we [me and Jack] wake you?"
109 - officers (+Stede) [?unclear who's speaking] - "Oh shit. [?Damn.] Look at the different sizes of the fonts."
figurative/idiomatic
106 - Pete - "Wonderful fuckery. Scared the pants off me."
be quiet
105 - aristos - "Once he's palmed your cranium a few times, it's impossible to shut him up!"
107 - Augustine man - "Hey, Blackbeard!" [...] Ed: "Shut the fuck up okay? I'm not Blackbeard."
"stop it"
106 - Izzy - "Unbuckle the fucking... no, you're tightening it! No, shut up!"
109 - Stede - "I've only got stupid ideas" Ed: "Oh, shut up."
dog as pirate jargon for wretched man
106 - Stede - "Act or die. 1, 2, 3, come at me, dog!"
108 - Jack - "He [Hornigold] treated us like dogs. worse than dogs!"
110 - Izzy - "... pining for his boyfriend." Ed: [pins him] "Choose your next words wisely, dog."
wretch most miserable person
106 - crew - [ending his story] "And that poor wretch? That was my dad."
rude word and its emotional purpose
[episode #] - [who Ed's speaking to] - "what rude thing Ed says"
Research methodology: skimming episode transcripts looking for Ed's lines, reading the line, deciding if it's (a) decently accurate transcription and (b) vulgar. May have missed some — I know I found a couple more when I was looking at transcripts for other reasons yesterday. If you see any I missed or want to talk about the bonkers variety of antique + modern English OFMD uses generally I would be DELIGHTED to chat about it.
Surprising absolutely no one, "fuck" came out way on top.
balls
literal anatomical reference
106 - Izzy - "I can't feel my balls"
108 - Jack - "Jack! Whip my balls!"
bastard
109 - Chauncey - "Yep. I killed the bastard. Enjoyed it, too."
bloody
dangerous sarcasm
106 - Izzy - "left me hanging up there for 20 minutes. not bloody optimal."
damn
as indicator of depth/realness
104 - Stede - "oh... that's some damn good marmalade."
dick
unpleasant person
106 - crew - "that poor wretch? that was my dad. the good news is, my dad was a dick."
107 - Stede - "you'd save me a seat wouldn't you?" Ed: "maybe. if you weren't being a dick."
108 - Jack - "Oh, fucking Hornigold! There's a fucking blast from the past. Such a dick! Such a fucking dick!"
108 - Jack - [Jack pelts him with coconut] "ow! fucking dick!"
fuck
fucking as intensifer of frustration
104 - Izzy - "just put some fucking imagination into it, man"
104 - Izzy - "we always need a fucking plan, all right? and then what? then we fucking execute the plan... it's all so fucking BORING! ... I shouldn't be bored. I'm fucking Blackbeard."
104 - Stede - "it's just fucking hard sometimes, you know?"
104 - Stede - "no chaos, no drama, no fucking life!"
105 - Stede - "I learn all of this just to fucking eat?"
105 - enemy captain - "a fucking donkey?" (shouts) "a fucking donkey?"
105 - enemy captain - "you know fucking nothing about me, mate! I've got more riches than you can shake a fucking stick at!"
105 - aristos - "Stede was right! you're all fucking fickle!"
105 - Stede, Frenchie - "um, I used escargot tongs and a melon spoon to eat a fucking prawn!"
106 - Izzy - "stop, unbuckle the fucking... no, you're tightening it!"
107 - Lucius - "at least you got lunch, I'm fucking starving"
107 - nature - "fucking, fucking nature! [...] fucking... little... mother... fucking... snake!"
108 - Jack - [after ball whipping] "fucking hell, Jack!"
freaking, as above
107 - Stede - "I'm freaking Blackbeard, man. I can't be seen treasure hunting."
motherfucking, as above
107 - nature - "fucking... little... mother... fucking... snake!"
fucking as intensifier of admiration
104 - Izzy - (looking at trinkets) "this guy's fucking fascinating"
104 - Stede - "you know, just for fun." ed "fucking mental!"
104 - Stede - "you're a fucking lunatic, and I like it"
105 - Stede - "cutting remarks disguised as politeness." Ed: "that's fucking diabolical."
108 - Jack - Jack: "who's the big gal?" [both laugh] Ed: "would you fucking stop!"
108 - Jack - [Jack pelts him with coconut] "ow! fucking dick!"
fucking indicator of manic glee
104 - Stede - [lighthouse works] "yes! we fucking did it!"
108 - Jack - (yelling) "fucking bullseye! bullseye, bullseye!"
108 - Stede (+Jack) - "he's joking, he's fucking joking. you're not a girl."
108 - Jack (+Stede) - Stede: only two place settings... Jack: that's great. Ed: "[agreement] fucking..."
108 - Jack - "Oh, fucking Hornigold! There's a fucking blast from the past. Such a dick! Such a fucking dick!"
108 - Swede (+Jack+crew) - [Jack gets him, first round of whippies] "that's what you fucking get!"
108 - Stede - "ah fuck, i don't know. [...] we're keeping it open-ended. you can't put a fucking time limit on fun, mate!"
108 - Jack+crew - "loser gets his head cut off, and the winner... gets his fucking head cut off!"
108 - Oluwande (+crew) - [encouraging to whip the cup] "Get out of your head, bro. Just do it. Easy-peasy, pudding and fucking pie."
109 - Stede - [Stede agrees to china] "mmhmm." Ed: "fucking... this is great. okay, we leave at dawn."
fucking as signifier of serious threat
105 - enemy captain - "next one goes through your fucking eyeball! now where's the loot? where's the fucking loot?"
106 - crew - "flinging him around before wringing him out like a fucking bar rag"
106 - self - "you're a killer bro. you're a fucking killer. so kill!"
107 - Lucius - "don't. or i will stab you in your fucking face."
110 - Izzy - "Stop crying, it's just the pinky. Come on, open up. Open your fucking mouth now!"
fuck off as astonishment
104 - Stede - "can you keep a secret? [wardrobe opens]" ed "fuck offfff."
fuck off as "go away"
107 - Augustine man - "fuck off! get out of here! move!"
107 - nature - "fuck off, flies!"
107 - nature - [second swarm of flies] "fuck off!"
107 - nature - [snake drops from tree] "oh, fuck off!"
[what] the fuck commenting on novel situation
104 - Stede - "retirement?" ed "the fuck is that?"
105 - Stede - [aristos burning down room] "Fuck is going on in here?"
106 - Izzy - "What the fuck you doing with your head between my legs?"
106 - Izzy - "20 minutes, not bloody optimal. What the fuck's all this?"
the fuck/as fuck, emphasizing degree
105 - Stede - (about the invitation) "Yeah, but I mean, fuck I care, whatever."
105 - Frenchie - "I like the name Jeff, and accounting sounds fancy as fuck."
105 - random aristo - [fleeing dining room ] "Get the fuck out of my way."
107 - Augustine man - "Hey, Blackbeard!" [...] Ed "Shut the fuck up okay? I'm not Blackbeard."
107 - Stede - "I'll be hiding over there [...] whenever you decide wherever the fuck it is we're going."
108 - Stede - "How long is he staying?" Ed: "Ah, fuck, I don't know."
fuck X, X is awful and over
107 - Stede - "Fuck this, I'm going back to the ship"
107 - nature - [snake has just fallen out of tree] "Fuck you!"
107 - nature - [beating snake on ground] "Fuck you! die!"
108 - Jack - (breaking oar) "Fuck you, Jack! He's my friend!"
fuck as exclamation of surprise
104 - Stede - "... Fuck, look it. There's two chandeliers!"
104 - Izzy (+crew+Stede) - "It's September 1" "Dickfuck, no it's not"
108 - Jack - Ed: "when?" Jack: "I can't remember exactly when..." Ed: (sees ships) "Fuuuuck."
fuckery as technical term
106 - Stede (+Izzy) - "An illusion! brilliant!" Ed: "Exactly. or as I like to call it, the art of fuckery"
106 - Stede (+Izzy) - "A good fuckery takes ages to develop"
106 - Pete (+crew) - "what'd you think?" Ed: "Wonderful fuckery. Scared the pants off me"
god
extreme dismay
104 - Stede - [shows him Blackbeard book] "Oh god. Is that what they think I look like?"
107 - Lucius - (about Stede) "God, he'll probably be moping all the way back to the ship."
proper lordly entity (often himself)
104 - Izzy - "Lots of blubbering for their god."
105 - aristos - "There I was, living as a sort of god-king among the cannibals..."
106 - Stede (+crew) - "But be careful what you ask your god for... she just might answer"
hell
X as hell absent-minded intensifier
104 - Stede - "Most of the pirates I know, they're dead. so you're doing a hell of a lot better than them."
106 - Stede - (tepidly) "Yeah man, it's... scary as hell"
what the hell commenting on novel situation
105 - Stede - [aristos burning room down] "What the hell did you do to them?"
hell exclamation of extreme dismay
108 - Jack - [after ball whipping] "Fucking hell, Jack!"
piss
pissed as self-depricating description of drunkenness
104 - Stede (+crew+Izzy) - "Captain goes down with the ship. I'm gonna get pissed."
shit
shit as slang for stuff
104 - Izzy - "This place is amazing. Izzy, look, look at this shit"
106 - Stede - "Stede, be careful. He [Izzy] does know his shit."
107 - Stede - [? could also be literal] "Just end up finding a rock, or a dried-up piece of shit."
literal feces
108 - crew (+Jack) - "He [Jack]'d shat everywhere but the bedpan!"
astonishment
106 - Stede - [Lucius cuts off finger] "Shit, that was incredible, how'd you do that?"
107 - Stede - "Hey, shit, did we [me and Jack] wake you?"
109 - officers (+Stede) [?unclear who's speaking] - "Oh shit. [?Damn.] Look at the different sizes of the fonts."
honorable mention: a little rude
pants
figurative/idiomatic
106 - Pete - "Wonderful fuckery. Scared the pants off me."
shut up
be quiet
105 - aristos - "Once he's palmed your cranium a few times, it's impossible to shut him up!"
107 - Augustine man - "Hey, Blackbeard!" [...] Ed: "Shut the fuck up okay? I'm not Blackbeard."
"stop it"
106 - Izzy - "Unbuckle the fucking... no, you're tightening it! No, shut up!"
109 - Stede - "I've only got stupid ideas" Ed: "Oh, shut up."
wretched person
dog as pirate jargon for wretched man
106 - Stede - "Act or die. 1, 2, 3, come at me, dog!"
108 - Jack - "He [Hornigold] treated us like dogs. worse than dogs!"
110 - Izzy - "... pining for his boyfriend." Ed: [pins him] "Choose your next words wisely, dog."
wretch most miserable person
106 - crew - [ending his story] "And that poor wretch? That was my dad."