2025-11-05 02:13 am
so sick; s1 looping in background
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2023-10-26 06:00 pm
welcome to Izzy wank central
today's topic: don't you fucking dare compare this shit to being sad about Cas and Dean and their respective deaths in the Supernatural finale. sorry, I'm here on my blog being as much of an asshole as I want: Supernatural never respected queer characters. It never attempted to portray queer characters in any long-term way, and when they did, they'd already fucked it up before the Dean and Cas finale (see: Charlie, 6 seasons prior). The version of the show where Dean was learning and growing into his softer and queerer self now that he was out from the shadow of his father was not the same one I was watching; the one I was watching was a continuing horror show about how the family itself was the monster and how Dean *was* his father and ruling over the Winchesters et al by fiat. Sure he cried alone in his room about it! Sure he wanted to die about it! That was just Dean from day one!
Whatever lip-service show creators and in-universe characters paid to "family don't end with blood" wasn't being supported by the text in the meantime. Family for Dean began and ended with Sam and sometimes, *sometimes* when convenient to the plot – and for a few episodes at a time – Castiel, who the show had tried to kill off in season 4 until he was a fan favorite. And then season 5. And so on, and so on, for ten years, to a greater or lesser degree by season. Family was never all-inclusive for the Winchesters – they *didn't* learn and grow and make new allies, because the narrative always fucking killed them, *and that was the point.* The *point* was that this family was weird and isolated in some liminal not-natwral, not-super space and held apart from humanity forever, because the premise of the show was that their lives were a horror show.
*Nothing but pure fanon suggested that Dean and Cas were going to make it out better and healthier*, or even alive.
I'm fucking sorry your canon hated you so fucking much, I truly am. It's really easy to get swept up in beautiful fan worlds because they're kinder and more loving. And that's fine! But it doesn't change the nature of the canons themselves.
Over here in my Our Flag Means Death Izzy-grief today, I genuinely was misled by canon, because every other character's arc has been about learning to thrive as more authentic versions of themselves – and, centrally, their queer selves. Unlike Supernatural this show celebrated all of it, all the time.
Main Guy Stede finally figured out he was gay after the full 10 episodes of s1 and he went forward with courage in his heart to try to be better to the people in his real community. Main Guy Ed has been out his whole life but hopes for something better in his middle age; he learns to love in a new way and it's horrible, and it hurts, but it's going to be worth it as he keeps finding new parts of himself.
And Jim put aside the bitterness in their heart to try to love a friend and let him be family, and then to get wild and poly as they learned to love more under more adversity. And Wee John likes explosives and being the ship's drag mother. And Pete goes from being a sneering tryhard to someone who realizes genuine connection is worth putting aside his ego to connect in a real way, and learns to genuinely communicate with his partner about how he needs the same. Jackie is an insanely good tavern-keeper in no small part due to her harem of lover-bodyguards. And, and, and.
Where does Izzy's murder fit in? This isn't Supernatural, the murder-everybody show. Lucius didn't get murder-punished for being a sensitive gayboy in season 1; he got pushed over the side of the ship by another sensitive gayboy who was afraid because he'd revealed too much of himself. And it was a cartoon death, with a shoe flying up in a sight gag as he fell to his doom, and he lived anyway. *Everybody* lives anyway on this show. Roach jumps from twenty feet up and cracks his head on the deck and it's a comedy beat. Ed Teach and Mary Read both love getting recreationally stabbed. The entire crew get stranded in a desert island and wait for about an afternoon before Stede shows up and picks them all up in a single rowboat and fast-travels then to safety, no explanation needed. Much like when Lucius didn't drown in the middle of the ocean the middle of the night. Or when Ed got his head beaten in by a cannonball and woke up a few days later merely having taken a vacation in Learn Spiritual Lessons land.
*Izzy didn't die the first time* when we saw him shoot himself in the face (convenient gun misfire!) nor the second time when he might have bled out from his amputation (he got up and tournequeted himself! somehow!). What the fuck did it this last time? Why should I have expected it to happen?
My canon hadn't been telling me it hated me. It had been demonstrating pretty thoroughly that it knew me & thought I was okay and that everyone here was going to be safe and go forward together in love. This blindsided me, and it fucking sucked.
ETA 2024-05-26: don't think I organized this post very well, but I still stand by my two main points about spn:
1. dean wasn't a queer man coming out of the closet and you were absolutely reading the text wrong if you read this as genuine canon
2. the show hated queer people and couldn't possibly have been forecasting a happy or queer ending for any of them
and
3. ofmd's genre was not even slightly comparable to spn's and therefore your comparisons to cas's death were the most infuriating bullshit I kept seeing that week
Whatever lip-service show creators and in-universe characters paid to "family don't end with blood" wasn't being supported by the text in the meantime. Family for Dean began and ended with Sam and sometimes, *sometimes* when convenient to the plot – and for a few episodes at a time – Castiel, who the show had tried to kill off in season 4 until he was a fan favorite. And then season 5. And so on, and so on, for ten years, to a greater or lesser degree by season. Family was never all-inclusive for the Winchesters – they *didn't* learn and grow and make new allies, because the narrative always fucking killed them, *and that was the point.* The *point* was that this family was weird and isolated in some liminal not-natwral, not-super space and held apart from humanity forever, because the premise of the show was that their lives were a horror show.
*Nothing but pure fanon suggested that Dean and Cas were going to make it out better and healthier*, or even alive.
I'm fucking sorry your canon hated you so fucking much, I truly am. It's really easy to get swept up in beautiful fan worlds because they're kinder and more loving. And that's fine! But it doesn't change the nature of the canons themselves.
Over here in my Our Flag Means Death Izzy-grief today, I genuinely was misled by canon, because every other character's arc has been about learning to thrive as more authentic versions of themselves – and, centrally, their queer selves. Unlike Supernatural this show celebrated all of it, all the time.
Main Guy Stede finally figured out he was gay after the full 10 episodes of s1 and he went forward with courage in his heart to try to be better to the people in his real community. Main Guy Ed has been out his whole life but hopes for something better in his middle age; he learns to love in a new way and it's horrible, and it hurts, but it's going to be worth it as he keeps finding new parts of himself.
And Jim put aside the bitterness in their heart to try to love a friend and let him be family, and then to get wild and poly as they learned to love more under more adversity. And Wee John likes explosives and being the ship's drag mother. And Pete goes from being a sneering tryhard to someone who realizes genuine connection is worth putting aside his ego to connect in a real way, and learns to genuinely communicate with his partner about how he needs the same. Jackie is an insanely good tavern-keeper in no small part due to her harem of lover-bodyguards. And, and, and.
Where does Izzy's murder fit in? This isn't Supernatural, the murder-everybody show. Lucius didn't get murder-punished for being a sensitive gayboy in season 1; he got pushed over the side of the ship by another sensitive gayboy who was afraid because he'd revealed too much of himself. And it was a cartoon death, with a shoe flying up in a sight gag as he fell to his doom, and he lived anyway. *Everybody* lives anyway on this show. Roach jumps from twenty feet up and cracks his head on the deck and it's a comedy beat. Ed Teach and Mary Read both love getting recreationally stabbed. The entire crew get stranded in a desert island and wait for about an afternoon before Stede shows up and picks them all up in a single rowboat and fast-travels then to safety, no explanation needed. Much like when Lucius didn't drown in the middle of the ocean the middle of the night. Or when Ed got his head beaten in by a cannonball and woke up a few days later merely having taken a vacation in Learn Spiritual Lessons land.
*Izzy didn't die the first time* when we saw him shoot himself in the face (convenient gun misfire!) nor the second time when he might have bled out from his amputation (he got up and tournequeted himself! somehow!). What the fuck did it this last time? Why should I have expected it to happen?
My canon hadn't been telling me it hated me. It had been demonstrating pretty thoroughly that it knew me & thought I was okay and that everyone here was going to be safe and go forward together in love. This blindsided me, and it fucking sucked.
ETA 2024-05-26: don't think I organized this post very well, but I still stand by my two main points about spn:
1. dean wasn't a queer man coming out of the closet and you were absolutely reading the text wrong if you read this as genuine canon
2. the show hated queer people and couldn't possibly have been forecasting a happy or queer ending for any of them
and
3. ofmd's genre was not even slightly comparable to spn's and therefore your comparisons to cas's death were the most infuriating bullshit I kept seeing that week
2023-08-23 11:10 am
stede swearing i GUESS
I haven't attempted Stede point of view, guys, because I'm not obsessed with the dude the way I am Ed and Izzy. but if you're Stede/Ed/Izzying, it's bound to come up eventually, I suppose.
some observations:
• holy shit does this guy mince oaths. Ed and Izzy DO NOT. I've filed the minced oaths under the actual swear words they stand in for.
• I've also included anyone from Stede's hallucinations or dreams, because these are Stede-created characters standing in for the real people. (but not the flashbacks, because I'm assuming those are faithful representations of events presented to us. in the flashbacks the sets are real, time moves normally, people aren't dead or made of smoke, etc)
( let's gooooo )
some observations:
• holy shit does this guy mince oaths. Ed and Izzy DO NOT. I've filed the minced oaths under the actual swear words they stand in for.
• I've also included anyone from Stede's hallucinations or dreams, because these are Stede-created characters standing in for the real people. (but not the flashbacks, because I'm assuming those are faithful representations of events presented to us. in the flashbacks the sets are real, time moves normally, people aren't dead or made of smoke, etc)
( let's gooooo )
Tags:
2023-04-21 10:44 pm
how does izzy refer to ed
bonus!!!
i'm going to be referring to him as "ed" in my narration. ...probably. sometimes i catch myself choosing "edward" as the neutral, MUCH LIKE IZZWARD.
the key investigation here is whether izzy is
• addressing ed directly – the vocative situation
• or referring to ed in 3rd person (ed may be present or he may not be for this)
citation format:
[episode] - [people being spoken to], [location context] - "quote"
( * )
i'm going to be referring to him as "ed" in my narration. ...probably. sometimes i catch myself choosing "edward" as the neutral, MUCH LIKE IZZWARD.
the key investigation here is whether izzy is
• addressing ed directly – the vocative situation
• or referring to ed in 3rd person (ed may be present or he may not be for this)
citation format:
[episode] - [people being spoken to], [location context] - "quote"
( * )
Tags:
2023-04-21 10:15 pm
izzy's fuckin profanity list
• izzy is in 102, 104, 105, 106, 107 (barely), 109, 110
• 102: the only profinity izzy uses in his opening line AND THEN THE REST OF HIS LINES ARE PANTO VILLAIN SHIT :'''')
• 107: his sole scene is the rider at jackie's, and con made sure to grumble 'fuck' for me specifically
( let's goooo )
• 102: the only profinity izzy uses in his opening line AND THEN THE REST OF HIS LINES ARE PANTO VILLAIN SHIT :'''')
• 107: his sole scene is the rider at jackie's, and con made sure to grumble 'fuck' for me specifically
( let's goooo )
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2023-03-17 11:10 pm
ed-approved profanity
Wanted to see if I could get Ed swearing approximately right in my current fic, so: here, organized by word, a list of everything profane Ed says in canon. Formatted like:
Research methodology: skimming episode transcripts looking for Ed's lines, reading the line, deciding if it's (a) decently accurate transcription and (b) vulgar. May have missed some — I know I found a couple more when I was looking at transcripts for other reasons yesterday. If you see any I missed or want to talk about the bonkers variety of antique + modern English OFMD uses generally I would be DELIGHTED to chat about it.
Surprising absolutely no one, "fuck" came out way on top.
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rude word and its emotional purpose
[episode #] - [who Ed's speaking to] - "what rude thing Ed says"
Research methodology: skimming episode transcripts looking for Ed's lines, reading the line, deciding if it's (a) decently accurate transcription and (b) vulgar. May have missed some — I know I found a couple more when I was looking at transcripts for other reasons yesterday. If you see any I missed or want to talk about the bonkers variety of antique + modern English OFMD uses generally I would be DELIGHTED to chat about it.
Surprising absolutely no one, "fuck" came out way on top.
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https://schmirius.tumblr.com/post/669513321691627520
![[tumblr.com profile]](https://www.tumblr.com/favicon.ico)
weirdchesters:
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Sam Winchester Survey
Hello, fellow admirers of Sam Winchester out there. I made a survey about Sam and would love if you’d take part.
Curious if there are certain Sam episodes that are particularly popular? What’s the majority opinion about Sam’s best hair? Are we all angst/whump lovers? How do our interpretations of Sam and his relationships differ? I’m trying to answer all this and more. Once the survey is closed, I will naturally share the results.
It’s fine if you’re not a total Sam stan and have a different fave, as long as you love and respect Sam, you’re welcome!
The survey can be found here.
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gripped as I am by that sounds of silence vid -> listening to the simon & garfunkel discography all over again like it's 2003 but with fresh new ears -> would LOVE to see a scooby road-type project made up of s&g tracks??
if this is a s&g Greatest Hits Jukebox (rather than a single album with way fewer memorable tracks) there's still a few popular tunes unaccounted for:
• cecelia
• bridge over troubled water – god i hate this song, lol. there is no undercurrent of irony, so i'd have to build it wholecloth. it is just too too much about interpersonal connections triumphing over horrible situations, as a song, and that's not what i'm about in my fiction. plus the ending build is life on mars's ending build, wow, you have done nothing dissonant to earn that orchestral flourish.
• only living boy in new york, because 'garden state' or whatever made it an indie hit for the cool kids starting mid aughts
• going to have to give the boxer to beej, probably
• other suggestions from s&g's "artist picks" spotify playlist:
scarborough fair
hazy shade of winter
homeward bound (which personally i would have trouble doing for the americans; mayyybe make it a korean refugees/peddlars focus one)
feeling groovy (which makes sense, but i personally would want bright green pleasure machine for sheer ludicrousness / maximum absurdity if you're going to go for a hippie dippie pick)
the zoo (definitely actually would use this one over its abstruse double how i was robert mcnamara'd into submission)
can't do times they are a-changing, that's some different album vid project where you just take every top 40 protest song and do a mash supercut of them.
- sound of silence exists [youtube]
- mrs robinson — it's a klinger vid, absolutely. song has too many verses; got to cut out a bit.
keep opening chorus, 'we'd like to know a little bit about you for our files' , skip to chorus of 'coo coo ca choo' (thus cutting out 'hide it in a hiding place'? probably, nothing about this is secret; this is all about klinger's performance) -- then that takes you to 'sitting on a sofa on a sunday afternoon / going to the candidates' debate', a verse about this being a political demonstration on klinger's part. got to make sure we intersperse this with the most un-cishet shit hawkeye and trapper and beej do; probably also with kelleye leading her dances, margaret doing drag in the purple gown for that one love interest --> war front is a queer space, actually. 'every way you look at it you lose.' (klinger in drag doing guard duty vs klinger in baseball cap clerking for potter?)
final bit is 'where have you gone, joe dimaggio', klinger's wedding in his bride's dress vs klinger's wedding in his tux in the finale. followed with shot of him driving off with soonlee vs last shot of the vid, klinger paragliding away in drag to try and escape. - just now i thought el condor pasa as a song of inescapable longing and repression for bj before my playlist looped back around and reminded me that the song peggy-o exists, HAHAHAHA
[porquenolosdos.png] - the sun is burning is a pretty obvious one, but possibly you could still do it effectively. do it for hawkeye's repression(TM), or just generally the supposed camaraderie of any given relationship with the dark, sick, desperate undercurrent of the war beneath it. hawkeye/beej frex.
or, just very truely, start with happy sitcom funtimes slowly morphing into closer and closer-up shots of everyone looking strung out. not an action vid; a psychological drama vid.
or: mash having a good time vs. koreans and assorted absolutely ruined. - can we do one about jesus/the grace of god about the military brass, perhaps go tell it on the mountain, prominently featuring that portrait of macarthur that frank has in the command office in 401/2 and which is in "big mac" and also stars every jackass general they give the run-around. (401 "general flipped at dawn", s1 "the ringbanger", that general whose son dies at the mash who keeps running the war from his trailer in later seasons immediately after the news, the film oficer they try to con in "the moon is not blue", whatever.) lots of parades and salutes and frank burns having fits. maybe if we're lucky some footage of care packages (hawkeye in "house arrest" has a shot of one), charity drives for the orphanages. you know, the usual "actually they're complicit in this occupation" train of thought.
other contenders: benedictus, blessed - mmmmm maybe i am a rock for hawkeye's bloody heart he *has* to keep under wraps?
- flowers never bend with the rainfall for mulcahy and grappling with how all these things are happening on god's watch, and how *he's* supposed to be the one watching over these people somehow.
bonus: contrast with sydney? he's 'the mirror on the wall / the image dark and small'
(silent night/seven o'clock news pretty obvious, not worth working on. can't draw any further irony out of that.) - poem on the underground wall is a good candidate for Alcoholism At The Front. rowdying followed immediately by 'to seek the breast of darkness and be suckled by the night' = hawk and beej sitting wrecked in stony silence in 'deluge' then fade to black to conclude. got a great heartbeat to cut clips to, too -- provides percussion, patient heartbeat contrast options very easily.
- faking it for the many facets of margaret, perhaps?
if this is a s&g Greatest Hits Jukebox (rather than a single album with way fewer memorable tracks) there's still a few popular tunes unaccounted for:
• cecelia
• bridge over troubled water – god i hate this song, lol. there is no undercurrent of irony, so i'd have to build it wholecloth. it is just too too much about interpersonal connections triumphing over horrible situations, as a song, and that's not what i'm about in my fiction. plus the ending build is life on mars's ending build, wow, you have done nothing dissonant to earn that orchestral flourish.
• only living boy in new york, because 'garden state' or whatever made it an indie hit for the cool kids starting mid aughts
• going to have to give the boxer to beej, probably
• other suggestions from s&g's "artist picks" spotify playlist:
scarborough fair
hazy shade of winter
homeward bound (which personally i would have trouble doing for the americans; mayyybe make it a korean refugees/peddlars focus one)
feeling groovy (which makes sense, but i personally would want bright green pleasure machine for sheer ludicrousness / maximum absurdity if you're going to go for a hippie dippie pick)
the zoo (definitely actually would use this one over its abstruse double how i was robert mcnamara'd into submission)
can't do times they are a-changing, that's some different album vid project where you just take every top 40 protest song and do a mash supercut of them.
The Mash Slash Awards 2004 – http://mashslashawards.popullus.net/winners.htm
three versions of Hawkeye's homecoming that go badly:
Hawkeye can't reconnect (ft. BJ PoV):
BJ/Hawkeye: Actually It's Fraught
Hawkeye's mad, let's discuss that for a sec
actually there are non-Hawkeye/BJ parts of the show that also rock??
big queer alternate 50ses
three versions of Hawkeye's homecoming that go badly:
- (2003) Raven, Homecoming - PG-13, gen - "Hawkeye comes home, through the eyes of Daniel Pierce."
http://www.sleepingwithghosts.popullus.net/mashfic/homecoming.html
https://autumnalis.livejournal.com/2297.html - (2002) Meredith, A Still Small Voice
http://www.demando.net/mash/smallvoice.html - (2003) Epigone, Never Ask Why Build
https://www.geocities.ws/kmaru07/neveraskwhybuild-2.html - bonus: (2003) Epigone, You'd Better Come Soon
https://www.geocities.ws/kmaru07/youdbettercomesoon.html
Hawkeye can't reconnect (ft. BJ PoV):
- Raven, Missing Hawk
http://www.sleepingwithghosts.popullus.net/mashfic/missinghawk.html
In the days after the war, BJ has somehow managed to lose Hawkeye. - (2006)
anotherjuxtaposition, the hours between dawn and nothing.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/37420
"... at least [there's] a light at the end of the tunnel for the ending. (No one seemed to go for my mass suicide ending. Huh.)"
BJ/Hawkeye: Actually It's Fraught
- (2004) Epigone, The Third Incurable Affliction
https://www.geocities.ws/kmaru07/thirdincurableaffliction.html
Marvellously repressed BJ narrator. First time in the OR and Hawkeye is, of course, a dick; but also maybe too deadly and precise for Beej to handle. - (2008)
https://archiveofourown.org/works/20098
https://mash-slash.dreamwidth.org/496825.html
BJ/Hawkeye happening somewhere in between the on-screen scenes because, of course, that way it doesn't count for BJ somehow! - (2008) Epigone, Lost Generations
https://likethesun2.livejournal.com/115182.html?format=light
80s AIDS fic, complex and long-standing UST. (including my very favorite trope, Hawkeye Can't Travel Well.) - (2020)
https://archiveofourown.org/works/25577242
in which our protagonists debate why this war is lasting so weirdly long and whether this is going to end in a wedding or a funeral, or what.
Hawkeye's mad, let's discuss that for a sec
- (2007)
https://archiveofourown.org/works/130489
Hawkeye and Sidney on the closed ward, Sidney PoV. "At home, before the war, his job had been to transform pain. Now he could only give it back." - (2013)
https://archiveofourown.org/works/986149
"How Hawkeye went home, and all the people, things and acts of kindness that got him there."
actually there are non-Hawkeye/BJ parts of the show that also rock??
- (2011)
https://archiveofourown.org/works/298813
Masturbation at the camp. - (2020)
"While the supply lines to the 4077 are still cut, Father Mulcahy spends more time with the nurses than usual and talks to Margaret about their jobs and relationships at the 4077. If you like an exploration of gender/sexuality with religious overtones, or want an exploration of Father Mulcahy's role at the 4077, this is the fic for you!"
https://archiveofourown.org/works/26888578 - (2020)
https://archiveofourown.org/works/25409377
"Do you think Hemingway is a crusty bigoted old son of a bitch? Do you wonder what would happen if Jake (the character which sort of stands in for himself in The Sun Also Rises) were the patient-of-the-week for the fine doctors of the 4077?" - (2020)
https://archiveofourown.org/works/22325371
Klinger; a study in terror and perversity. "'If you were really crazy,' said Henry, raising his eyebrows, 'you'd have been the first to volunteer.'"
big queer alternate 50ses
- (2003) am-chau, The Explaining Series
http://am-chau.popullus.net/Stories/explaining_series_index.htm
https://mash-slash.dreamwidth.org/283698.html
Hawkeye/BJ/Peggy. Listen, if you want it, you read it. - (2020)
https://archiveofourown.org/works/30377367/chapters/74889183
A noir AU with queer speakeasies and ADVENTURE !
Tags:
2021-02-16 02:11 am
Doctor Who - 4bx03 - Waters of Mars
structure of waters of mars: landing, exploration period, whatever
middle turning point is adelaide telling her story about being touched by the stars (seeing the dalek but then it left without harming her) *as they figure out there's a malevolent alien in the water*
ten bites his tongue and stares in increasing horror at the disaster unfolding around him, feeling increasing emotional pressure as he forces himself to do nothing; meanwhile, adelaide capably directs her team through the proper procedures in this emergency (more or less. she's not written as 100% a great leader.)
adelaide catches on to his foreknowledge; ten tells adelaide about her legacy and that she has to die
listening to crew dying one by one finally breaks the doctor
he turns back and now HE is all manic energy to fix this, adelaide watching silently as he does what she judges to be something terrible, according to what he himself has said
she initiates base self-destruct anyway trying to override his wishes
he magics the tardis to them and rescues them
she initiates self self-destruct trying to correct history by shooting herself after the exchange
A: is there nothing you can't do?
Dr: not anymore.
(i've never been clear how this would actually fix anything, emotional-impact-on-adelaide's-progeny wise, but whatever. the important thing is: dark, DARK shit, that the only act of free will against the terrible demigod Ten is suicide)
THEN the episode concludes in the most criminal way --
ten is shocked at the gunshot
but instead of reacting in anger that she defied him he immediately asks if he's gone too far
some fucking phantom ood shows up to be like 'ooo this action is foretelling your death' which like, whatever
THIS RIGHT HERE would've been incredible: unrepentant lord of all time ten, and then end of time is about how you have to defeat the doctor
and it's the story where you kill him off
middle turning point is adelaide telling her story about being touched by the stars (seeing the dalek but then it left without harming her) *as they figure out there's a malevolent alien in the water*
ten bites his tongue and stares in increasing horror at the disaster unfolding around him, feeling increasing emotional pressure as he forces himself to do nothing; meanwhile, adelaide capably directs her team through the proper procedures in this emergency (more or less. she's not written as 100% a great leader.)
adelaide catches on to his foreknowledge; ten tells adelaide about her legacy and that she has to die
listening to crew dying one by one finally breaks the doctor
he turns back and now HE is all manic energy to fix this, adelaide watching silently as he does what she judges to be something terrible, according to what he himself has said
she initiates base self-destruct anyway trying to override his wishes
he magics the tardis to them and rescues them
she initiates self self-destruct trying to correct history by shooting herself after the exchange
A: is there nothing you can't do?
Dr: not anymore.
(i've never been clear how this would actually fix anything, emotional-impact-on-adelaide's-progeny wise, but whatever. the important thing is: dark, DARK shit, that the only act of free will against the terrible demigod Ten is suicide)
THEN the episode concludes in the most criminal way --
ten is shocked at the gunshot
but instead of reacting in anger that she defied him he immediately asks if he's gone too far
some fucking phantom ood shows up to be like 'ooo this action is foretelling your death' which like, whatever
THIS RIGHT HERE would've been incredible: unrepentant lord of all time ten, and then end of time is about how you have to defeat the doctor
and it's the story where you kill him off
FIRST UP, arbitrarily chosen from the stories that seem like they're shorter/have more structure built into them already: deconstruct 'a christmas carol'
dickens has:
(1) marley's ghost
(2) the first of the three spirits
(3) the second of the three spirits
(4) the last of the spirits
(5) the end of it
( notes notes )
dickens has:
(1) marley's ghost
(2) the first of the three spirits
(3) the second of the three spirits
(4) the last of the spirits
(5) the end of it
( notes notes )
Tags:
spn
-- some kind of end of s7 --> s8 AU where sam is explicitly fighting mental illness in the form of hallucifer, and also having visions of reallucifer, and he can't tell the difference, and he and meg and kevin have to rescue dean and cas from purgatory-- s7: sam and mania, where he can't stop talking enochian, and it's hard to even organize the prose in a way that makes sense, because any version of this story is just going to be both {about} and {made up of} word salad
-- s7: dean is transparently suicidal; sam tears frank's advice to him to 'be professional' to shreds, pointing out that they're *all* crazy people and probably some of them have better life advice than others
-- s5? (sometime after they've already timetravel-met their mom): early seasons pisstake comedy! time travel mary winchester pops in on post-coital sam-slash-dean. sam has a breakdown from shame, dean kind of manages to keep it together long enough to help her get back home.
hp
-- sirius finds out about regulus' death from james; james then has to keep sirius from, first, drinking himself to death; then, second, actively trying to murder walburga-- lupin and sirius kill pettigrew at the end of PoA; the newspapers cannot believe the delightful sickness of the whole thing. the structure of the story is {interwoven tabloid metanarrative about them being mastermind psycho killers} / {snapshots of them failing at basic necessities on their very poorly planned lam}. (AU lynchpin: lupin gives in to the shrieking shack temptation to be as rash as sirius, cannot recover / sirius is for some reason the clearer-headed of the two from that point out, trolol)
doctor who
-- martha/lucy saxon: an alternate season following on s3 which is transparently doctor/master except changed to femmeslash involving their respective companions. ft. torchwood's tosh as martha's exasperated dr watson/companion.end of time fixit:
there are probably three or four different variations you could do, with ten, the master, lucy saxon, and donna all being main characters:-- -- -- -- ten goes time lord victorious; master is resurrected after doctor breaks time lock which also awakens donna as a time lord; they all Stop Ten Being Unhinged
-- -- -- -- ten goes time lord victorious; finds unspecifiedly-resurrected master somewhere and begs him for help in self-horror at self's actions; master is too gibbering mad to help; possibly ten murder-suicides his way out of /this/ problem
-- -- -- -- bodyswap: narrative opens with apparently master going time lord victorious and ten showing up to stop him but then, later on, you notice that the master is doing ten's verbal/physical tics and vice versa, lol, you were fooled, it was a body swap, who will you root for!! probably PoV donna.
-- -- -- -- lucy saxon purposefully resurrects the master, fucks with the master's consciousness a lot. meanwhile, ten goes time lord victorious, also fucks with donna's consciousness a whole lot. the master Gets The News about ten, goes on a PoV-character quest to stop this asshole.
sherlock
-- jim moriarty as a ghost haunting sherlock post-s2, format of: christmas carol pastiche-- sherls shakes jim's hand back, on the rooftop. they escape to the tropics together -- interpersonally clumsy! -- and spend a tremendously awkward weekend trying to get to know each other in person, without Crimes to fall back on
house medical doctor??
-- "you don't think i could get one of my underlings to blow me?": motivated by a bet with wilson and insecurity about how infrequently he's been getting laid, house coerces chase into blowing him. story format: dumb PWP/ridiculously forced shipfic pasticheTags:
I’ve been churning out many, many resumes IRL because I am really, really sick of my Coffee Shop AU life and am ready to ditch whatever-bucks. here is the fandom resume I wrote for myself when I got bored.*
*obviously I’d have to clean it up depending on who I’m shopping myself to and why, this one would be saved like 2019_longform on google drive
( Read more... )
*obviously I’d have to clean it up depending on who I’m shopping myself to and why, this one would be saved like 2019_longform on google drive
( Read more... )
2019-09-23 10:03 pm
(no subject)
also the repeated motif of the mri machine
-- the actual mri machine in smith and jones which the whole time does its transylvanian lightning storm schtick with the static electricity
-- the megacooling mri-lookin' stasis chamber in 42 with its magical insta cooling mega permafrost seting, spitting you back out as Mr Freeze
and then you put like choir music to score it! pure gothic horror bullshit, incredibly incredible!!!
-- the actual mri machine in smith and jones which the whole time does its transylvanian lightning storm schtick with the static electricity
-- the megacooling mri-lookin' stasis chamber in 42 with its magical insta cooling mega permafrost seting, spitting you back out as Mr Freeze
and then you put like choir music to score it! pure gothic horror bullshit, incredibly incredible!!!
2019-09-23 09:58 pm
(no subject)
I enjoy in s3 Ten's repeated schtick of false modesty, really obnoxious wide-eyed 'o no i'm everyman!!' despite the clear narrative of him being the most obnoxious megalomaniacal prick ever to grow his own ego -- tend it like a garden he's particularly proud of, even
-- him doing the 'oh i'm a postman!!' extended babble to the old lady vampire shapechanger in 301
-- him going on his extended 'hermits united' ramble to yana
just the amount he's entertaining himself giving this monologue to uninteresed parties who he couldn't actually give a fuck whether they believe him or not -- why should he care, he *isn't* any of these things he's saying, he's going to wipe the board clean in five minutes after he's gotten the evidence this patent drivel has bought him because the person listening to it is too stupid/apathetic to care that what he's saying is very transparent bullshit
-- him doing the 'oh i'm a postman!!' extended babble to the old lady vampire shapechanger in 301
-- him going on his extended 'hermits united' ramble to yana
just the amount he's entertaining himself giving this monologue to uninteresed parties who he couldn't actually give a fuck whether they believe him or not -- why should he care, he *isn't* any of these things he's saying, he's going to wipe the board clean in five minutes after he's gotten the evidence this patent drivel has bought him because the person listening to it is too stupid/apathetic to care that what he's saying is very transparent bullshit
Tags:
2019-05-02 01:49 pm
(no subject)
thinking about it today, I think the food problem is about the same as the sleeping problem was -- namely, if I don't <do necessary activity for the continuance of life>, then it must be that I'm slowing down time or consequences for myself, opting out somehow!
I've been using habitica for I think 16 days now -- it's ok? the game mechanics of it, "you have health points"/"you don't" haven't started occurring to me as a game/system I have to beat til the last couple days, which is good, because when I start feeling like I'm beholden to them or have to score perfectly or something then it's all over for this as a tool I can stand to look at.
mostly it makes me aware in a tangible way how much time I spend trying to do the things I need to do just to exist day-to-day. to-dos are an interesting way of concentrating focus, taking them from abstract or personal anxious mantras or something about "ok so today I HAVE TO" to actual real-world things (list items? connected to some sort of magic that I don't really care about, but that reifies them?) that I can destroy or check off in a way that feels "real," in a way that actually just doing a task doesn't, to me.
I said to Stephen when I visited this past weekend that people are going to tell me congratulations, if I graduate, and it becomes known that I have graduated, and it's going to feel equally as horrible as talking to them about how school is going does *right now.*
and that's the weather.
I've been using habitica for I think 16 days now -- it's ok? the game mechanics of it, "you have health points"/"you don't" haven't started occurring to me as a game/system I have to beat til the last couple days, which is good, because when I start feeling like I'm beholden to them or have to score perfectly or something then it's all over for this as a tool I can stand to look at.
mostly it makes me aware in a tangible way how much time I spend trying to do the things I need to do just to exist day-to-day. to-dos are an interesting way of concentrating focus, taking them from abstract or personal anxious mantras or something about "ok so today I HAVE TO" to actual real-world things (list items? connected to some sort of magic that I don't really care about, but that reifies them?) that I can destroy or check off in a way that feels "real," in a way that actually just doing a task doesn't, to me.
I said to Stephen when I visited this past weekend that people are going to tell me congratulations, if I graduate, and it becomes known that I have graduated, and it's going to feel equally as horrible as talking to them about how school is going does *right now.*
and that's the weather.
2019-02-21 02:08 pm
(no subject)
here's one I've been thinking about this week: how can you possibly accommodate my shame?
last week I met with my advisor, who wanted to encourage me to come to the department graduation "whenever it happens" that I graduate -- we talked about how I'm one class away and I didn't think I'd have much trouble with it; she was the one who taught me the first part of the subject, and she remembered how interested and furiously facile I'd been with it in general. "maybe you could do 'study sessions' which were you really teaching material you knew to <classmate who just met with me before you>," she suggested. she also I think still thinks I would do well in grad school, now with the rider of like, 'given an appropriate cooldown period'. she took time off before grad school, she told me last time, and that was good for her.
one class away, and one assignment from one class last semester in order to wrap that class up. the hardest part of the one assignment, I told Advisor, is going to be getting started on it -- and I told her that I'd planned out like three to four days for it, one to look at the assignment, one to look at the data it was based on, a couple to work it out and write it up. Advisor said back to me, very gently, I think the hardest part of the one assignment is going to be asking for help if you need it.
she said, just know that this -- whatever -- this shame? -- it's projected outward. we want to help you with it, we do. <that one assignment teacher>, me, whoever. she encouraged me to come to the department graduation.
another teacher reached out today, after I missed handing in his first assignment, skipped a class. the part where I have to write back is what's too big. Hello Sarah, he writes, you mentioned you had accommodations; would this be part of your accommodations? Please let me know what I can do.
hello professor, I do not write back. I have been unable to eat real food or get out of bed for months because I'm afraid that if I do either I'm committed to living the day ahead of me. I'm going to work and eating food that's already expired there because at least I'm comforted that everything at work is trash, so I'm permitted eat it, it not being any kind of commitment to or statement on purposeful existence. I sleep on the sofa in my room because I can't get into bed because that would also mean acknowledging the cycle of day and night and the passage of time. I leave the lights on. I don't really want to be living the way I'm living but I'm generally too out of it to make any meaningful change, and I'm pretty sure that's by design.
in high school I wanted to tell teachers things like this, tell friends. in high school the relationship between me and my parents was intensely terrible and if I didn't tell people it actually would eat me up; there was no possibility of feeling level in my emotions, in myself, because whatever special combination of nature and nurture was busy feeding me landmines. metaphorically speaking. I'm afraid it's just normalized for me now. I'm afraid I'm still afraid like that for less good reasons. I'm afraid it's been ten years or fifteen and
-- pause. it's absolutely been fifteen years since I was sixteen. this is overwhelming, and if I still cried all the time, that would be five minutes of howling.
-- it's been a long time that I've been trying not to commit, unsure what direction to go, overwhelmed by the idea that the world existed; and in the meantime the world has shown me very slowly and carefully that it's mostly just garbage, hateful and hurtful and how much energy it takes to be hopeful and spit in its face and cheerfully eat its garbage and stand up and shout the right people down every day. and I've been wrong in the meantime; I've shouted when I really shouldn't have, and I've been part of how hateful and exhausting humans are in general.
I'm going to try to get dressed and go to class. I wish I were shivering and shaky, like I probably actually feel inside, rather than just twenty pounds over my usual weight and kind of greasy and fed up. here we go, though. we wish. today, we wish.
last week I met with my advisor, who wanted to encourage me to come to the department graduation "whenever it happens" that I graduate -- we talked about how I'm one class away and I didn't think I'd have much trouble with it; she was the one who taught me the first part of the subject, and she remembered how interested and furiously facile I'd been with it in general. "maybe you could do 'study sessions' which were you really teaching material you knew to <classmate who just met with me before you>," she suggested. she also I think still thinks I would do well in grad school, now with the rider of like, 'given an appropriate cooldown period'. she took time off before grad school, she told me last time, and that was good for her.
one class away, and one assignment from one class last semester in order to wrap that class up. the hardest part of the one assignment, I told Advisor, is going to be getting started on it -- and I told her that I'd planned out like three to four days for it, one to look at the assignment, one to look at the data it was based on, a couple to work it out and write it up. Advisor said back to me, very gently, I think the hardest part of the one assignment is going to be asking for help if you need it.
she said, just know that this -- whatever -- this shame? -- it's projected outward. we want to help you with it, we do. <that one assignment teacher>, me, whoever. she encouraged me to come to the department graduation.
another teacher reached out today, after I missed handing in his first assignment, skipped a class. the part where I have to write back is what's too big. Hello Sarah, he writes, you mentioned you had accommodations; would this be part of your accommodations? Please let me know what I can do.
hello professor, I do not write back. I have been unable to eat real food or get out of bed for months because I'm afraid that if I do either I'm committed to living the day ahead of me. I'm going to work and eating food that's already expired there because at least I'm comforted that everything at work is trash, so I'm permitted eat it, it not being any kind of commitment to or statement on purposeful existence. I sleep on the sofa in my room because I can't get into bed because that would also mean acknowledging the cycle of day and night and the passage of time. I leave the lights on. I don't really want to be living the way I'm living but I'm generally too out of it to make any meaningful change, and I'm pretty sure that's by design.
in high school I wanted to tell teachers things like this, tell friends. in high school the relationship between me and my parents was intensely terrible and if I didn't tell people it actually would eat me up; there was no possibility of feeling level in my emotions, in myself, because whatever special combination of nature and nurture was busy feeding me landmines. metaphorically speaking. I'm afraid it's just normalized for me now. I'm afraid I'm still afraid like that for less good reasons. I'm afraid it's been ten years or fifteen and
-- pause. it's absolutely been fifteen years since I was sixteen. this is overwhelming, and if I still cried all the time, that would be five minutes of howling.
-- it's been a long time that I've been trying not to commit, unsure what direction to go, overwhelmed by the idea that the world existed; and in the meantime the world has shown me very slowly and carefully that it's mostly just garbage, hateful and hurtful and how much energy it takes to be hopeful and spit in its face and cheerfully eat its garbage and stand up and shout the right people down every day. and I've been wrong in the meantime; I've shouted when I really shouldn't have, and I've been part of how hateful and exhausting humans are in general.
I'm going to try to get dressed and go to class. I wish I were shivering and shaky, like I probably actually feel inside, rather than just twenty pounds over my usual weight and kind of greasy and fed up. here we go, though. we wish. today, we wish.