an email to my two bffs/fellow House of Champs vets.

Holli (my) landlady was supposed to do a walk-through today since Holli had called in like ten problems on the order of "uh, the foundation is crumbling, this tree is going to fall on the house" etc upon prompting of our new housemates, who moved in about a month before I did. Because the landlady grew up in our home, is only renting it out as a hobby, and wishes in no way to bother with upkeep or dealing with renters, she sent her husband to do the walkthrough, who was human garbage who only wanted to deal with Holli, because he knew he could say things like "well, the back door isn't blowing open when I pull on it, it's not a problem" to her and the matter would be over.

I have spent the day since then mad at myself for not, in February or March when I told Holli I'd move in with her, pushing way way harder for "let's go live in a modern apartment building run by a huge management company." Holli claims she cannot ever extract all her garbage/stuff from the house she is currently in. It would be like two or three weeks of hard stupid labor but I would have cleaned it all up for her and it would've gone in a truck and we would've gone to live somewhere a couple blocks from a metro station and a grocery store and still within 20 minutes' drive of her shop in Takoma Park, and we would not have problems like "the steps to be basement are literally crumbling, also the lease says we can't go in the basement except to use the washer and there's just a damp pit of garbage down there."

I have been to Zillow to compare Helen's dump, House of Champs 1, with Holli's current [town redacted] abode.

HOUSE OF CHAMPS 1 (the house in toto/all 4 apts together):

• Built in 1940
  
• Worth $825k
  
• ~750 sq.ft. of living space
  
• Kitchen built in the 90s (Helen purchased in 1991)
  
• .3 miles to College Park Metro
  
• Is surrounded by gravel on all sides of the house, tenants are not responsible for lawncare
  
• Shed out back ft. one woodchuck
  
• No leases, no problems
  
• Rent: ~$550/bedroom

HOUSE OF A MILLION ROTTING CURIOS:

• Built 1932
  
• Worth $275k
  
• ~800 sq.ft. of living space in the downstairs (Holli's crap lives in the 800 sq.ft. upstairs)
  
• Kitchen built in the 70s (it's mustard yellow and brown)
  
• 1 mile to West Hyattsville Metro / 2.5mi to Rhode Island Ave
  
• Surrounded by man-height weeds on all sides of the house; current roommate just found a mower the weeds had grown around some 3yrs previous
  
• Basement and garage ft. lagoons, decaying trash
  
• Lease tells obvious lies like "no putting nails in walls, painting things, animals, subletting" that Holli thinks that phone calls where landlady said "nah it's no problem" somehow negate in case of legal trouble
  
• Rent: ~$750/bedroom